An honored guest?

I have received 3 invitations to talk at grand rounds in the last 4 months. Now to start, grand rounds is just a department-wide lecture; it has nothing to do with circles, actual patient rounds, or anything really grand at all. And when I say invitation, I really mean that the administrator sent an email to all the faculty in my department, and I caved to the pressure of metaphorical crickets chirping first and replied. At least for the first two. The last one was a personal invitation. Now I don't know how many other people he asked before me, but at least I have the dignity of an email actually address to Beth and not just "Rheumatology department." In all honesty, I kinda sorta think that I might have been invited because I'm the only rheumatologist whose name that other department's grand rounds coordinating faculty knows. He and I had a little run-in over who was getting an empty office.

There's a little story for ya. My division director told me he would show me my new office before I started 2 years ago. So he leads me to the intended address. I'm envisioning something mall but in a cozy way, a picture of the fam on the desk and everything. Maybe with a window. Well, we get there, and what do we spy but a squatter?! Seems someone else's division director also promised him that office. And his start date was 3 days earlier than mine. So he won by default. Hence, I think he remembers me.

But moving on. Tomorrow is also the Halloween party at daycare. And I have a shirt to make, which begs the question: what do you do when your kid needs a costume and you have a big, important presentation the next day? You stay up late. And then you blog about it so you're up even later.Gotta roll. Peace.

No blame here

So not much happening around my house this weekend. By which I mean 48 hours of continuous chaos from whence I emerge not at all rested or ready to start the week. I feel like lots of stuff happened, but was any of it blog-worthy? I don't know. I had a great idea to resurrect Battle of the Sexes, but it eludes me at the moment. And work is stressing me out, so I'm trying not to think about it (let along blog about it). So... kid story it is!

All the kids have been sick with a sinus congestion thing and have therefore been coughing. A lot.

E: Cough, cough, cough, cough.
Me: Oh, Tidbit. Are you coughing again? I'm sorry.
E: Mommy, you didun do nuffin to me. You no need be sorry. I jus' coughin'.

In other endearing news, she's decided over the last several days that she wants Daddy to be her husband until she grows up and finds her real husband because she doesn't know who he is or when she'll meet him. So for now she wants Daddy. Aww...

A little perspective

I've been saving this one for almost a whole year because my words are simply insufficient to convey the suffering and agony I encountered with this case. But it's a good reminder about how precious and unpredictable life is and the importance of treasuring even the trials. And I still think about her every time I walk past that bed in the MICU.



So if you count med school, I've been at this doctor thing for 10 years. That's a lot of sickness under my belt. And I'm pretty good at using humor and suppression (both higher order defense mechanisms, mind you) to distance myself from the emotional mire of death and disease. But every once in a while, something so tragic happens that I just can't keep the ghosts at bay.

A young mother died last week. She'd been suffering for some time, dependent on various machines to provide the functions on which her organs had given up. Days and days passed, and I think she finally saw that the doctors had not only lost hope but were completely out of tricks. So she made the decision, fully cognizant, to withdraw artificial life support. Her last wish was to see her child one more time. I know you're thinking how at least they got to have closure, right? Well, this is no tear-jerker poignant movie scene. She can't pass her final pearls of wisdom because she's trached and can't talk. And she can't give one last embrace because she's paralyzed. All there's no choreographed music swelling in the background or even the perfectly amplified silence of a movie. No, it's just the beeps and whirs of the machines, overhead pages in the background. And looking at her baby one last time.

It's enough to turn my stomach every time I walk by that ward. And make me selfishly think how grateful I am for my healthy babies and my husband... and myself. Because thinking about her makes me realize anew how every tantrum over broccoli, every argument about paint colors, every time I trip over a dog on my third overnight bathroom run - these are all beautiful luxuries. How precious those pebbles in my shoe would seem if they weren't there. And my heart breaks for that child, even more so because I was powerless to affect the outcome. And I hope and pray for a heavenly reunion for that family some day not too long off.

"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away: as it hath pleased the Lord so is it done: blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

All in the family

I had started this one a long time ago but just never finished it. I don't really know why. So here it is now...

Now I'm a pretty straight-shooting, non-hand-holding type of doctor, and some people don't like that. But other people do. I have a patient who has another family member who apparently also wants to start seeing me instead of some other rheumatologist.

Great. Book 'em.

And oh, there's actually a third family member who wants to see me, too.

OK. Even better. I hope I live up to my reputation.

And oh, they all want appointments on the same day.

Gulp. Um, ok. That's a lot of the same last name in one day, but I've got it in me. Check the schedule.

And oh, they all want appointments today.

Ha, ha, ha. For a second I thought you were serious.

No, they really do. Like right now.
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Siiiiiggghhh. As glad as I am that they like me, the answer is no. There are no bulk discounts or "two-fer" deals when my clinic is already booked. No no no no no no no. Whew. High-pressure situation deferred for another day.

Test drive

Alright, guys. I know it's been a while. A long while. To be honest, life just didn't seem funny there for a while, and I didn't want my blog to turn into angry venting rant-land. So either I'm wrapping up that season of life or have just finally developed the maturity to deal with it, but I think stuff is funny again. Funny enough to tell you about. So no promises, but I think it might be time for (semi) regular programming again. Starting with this funny story about my kid from drop-off at daycare this morning.

Teacher: You know, Mom, that I usually have only good news for you.
Me: Oh no. What did she do?
Teacher: But today I have great news.
Me: [sigh of relief] Oh really?
Teacher: While I clean up from lunch, Ellison helps get out all the nap mats and tells everyone to lay down. She is my mat monitor. I tried letting a few other kids do it, but they couldn't handle it. But she's consistently been able to do handle the responsibility and get it right.
E: [blushing and leaning into me, smiling]
Me: That doesn't really surprise me. She loves rules. At home we call her The Enforcer.
Teacher: Well, she sure does a good job being my helper.

So I'm pretty sure what she's telling me is that my kid is the only one in the class both sufficiently compulsive and bossy to pull off that job. After some thought, I'm going to take it as a compliment. I've always said E is more than half Scholz, but maybe there's a little more Zarnow in her than I thought.