Stuck in my head

So I'm back to being a kind-of runner. I have no half-marathon aspirations. I just want to fit into my skinny jeans again. I run the same loop 3 or 4 times a week (not quite 3 miles), and I find myself thinking the same thoughts. For your enjoyment, or at least entertainment, here are some of the frequent flyers in my supratentorial region (that's my conscious thought, peeps).

1) Ug, I have to pee. Why didn't I pee before I left the house? Oh wait, I did. Why do I have to pee again already?!

2) Hmm, is that stop sign Atwell or Braesmont? Hmph. Atwell. How can it only be Atwell? Haven't I been running longer than that? Why is it always just Atwell?!

3) These streets are so terrible. So many potholes. I hope I don't fall and break my ankle. I wonder how long before Nick comes looking for me? I really need to tell him my route so he knows where to start.

4) Is that car gonna move over? I think he's gonna hit me, better head for the side walk. Oh, just kidding. He's just swinging wide to turn into his driveway. He's probably laughing at me freaking out over here.

5) Bleh. I don't wanna do this. I still hate running. But you know what you hate more than running, Bethie? Not fitting into those J. Crew matchstick jeans. Keep going.

6) Don't slow down. Don't slow down. You don't have to go any faster, Bethie, just don't slow down.

7) Why am I the only one in this neighborhood running? Where do all the cool kids around here go to run? Or am I the only cool kid who does run?

8) I wonder if I should feel awkward running by that Jewish family walking to synagogue [on Saturday morning]. Does working out count as work that you aren't supposed to do on the Sabbath?

9) Oh! I forgot to get _____ at the grocery store!

10) The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round...

Young at heart

I saw an elderly woman as a new patient a few days ago. She was darling, like so many of them are, with her SAS loafers, giant "stone age" cell phone in her over-sized purse, multiple rhinestone brooches on her lapel. You get the picture.
While performing my physical exam, I thought I saw a hearing aid in her right ear. I moved her hair to take a closer look, and whaddya know? Twas a Bluetooth earpiece for her cell phone.

You go, girl.

Crazy going slowly am I

I know it's been a month. Sorry. I've been busy.

So I've fought the good fight against mommy-hood for these last 2 years. I wear skinny jeans and stilettos. I rage against the minivan. I still go to girls' movie night and book club and whatever else I want (as long as Nick doesn't mind being home alone, please and thank you). But there's a few tell-tale signs that I'm fighting a losing battle. Such as what, you ask?

I was in procedure clinic today, wrestling with the ultrasound and a really, really big knee. Like I stopped halfway and busted out a longer needle big. As I was fidgeting with the positioning and driving my needle, I caught myself humming under my breath.... "Graham cracker. Did you say graham cracker? And a chocolate bar, I've got one in my car!"

Yes, folks, I now sing kid songs even in my non-mommy down time. Oh my. If you see my eyeing pleated front, stonewashed denim, please wrestle me to the ground and point me toward the Banana Republic light.