I wanna hold your haaaaaand, I wanna hold your hand

I was on call a few weekends ago. Digression: I am now on call only 1 of every 8 weekends or so. It's so amazing to have almost every single weekend off. Like life-changing awesome. Back on track: The fellow texted me about this incredible consult. I was so flattered that they would turn to me for help. (Since I know tone doesn't translate via the written word, I'll just go ahead and tell you... that last part should be read dripping with sarcasm.)

Fellow: So the ____ team called a consult. This lady came in with blah blah symptoms. Diagnosis 1 and diagnosis 2 were on the initial differential.
Me: OK, sounds reasonable.
Fellow: Then imaging suggested diagnosis 1 but not diagnosis 2.
Me: Ooookay.
Fellow: Then a biopsy confirmed diagnosis 1 with no findings of diagnosis 2.
Me: Um, ok.
Fellow: So they just want us to come and comment on whether we think it might be diagnosis 1 or diagnosis 2. Because they just want to be sure.
Me: I haven't even read the chart, and I'm already sure.
Fellow: I know.

Yes, for real. I had to get out of my pj's and drive up to the med center for that business. As we say in the consultant world... Thank you for this interesting consult. Rheumatology will sign off. Please call us back with any questions.

All the single ladies

Apologies to the friends who heard this one in person a few days ago. 

Through various circumstances, I went to my department's holiday dinner party alone this year. So I got gussied up with my hair curled, in my LBD with my blingy earrings and AWESOME fully-sequined, orchid, super tall Cole Haan pumps. Ellison and Nick approved, and off I went. 

I walked into the party room, and no joke, one of the waiters nearly tripped trying to get to me to offer me a drink. What follows is my stream of consciousness response.

Ha! I still got it. Guess I'm not as old and fat as I thought. 

Hmm, wait a minute. Isn't wondering and worrying about whether I still "got it" a sign of actually being old? When I was 21, my response would have been how that guy can go drool elsewhere. Now it occurs to me to be flattered. Yes, I think that is definitely the response of an old lady. A response at which I previously scoffed.

When did I get so old?!

At least I can still wear the heels without my bunions hindering me. 

Just another Monday

So my momma gave me a pink personalized pen for med school graduation. I have used it every day since then. It's been through a lot, including the washer and dryer. I lost it a few times, too. 

Me: Has anyone seen my pink Beth Scholz pen?

Other residents: Um, what does it look like?

Me: Well, it's pink. And it has my name on it.

Nobody ever tried stealing it. Would have been kinda obvious, I guess.

I couldn't think of a more faithful friend to get me through yet another Monday. Cheers.