Batle of the sexes: Finally funny

Shortly after Ellison was born, Meagan asked me about posting some stories about how Nick and I handle baby issues differently. I demurred, and while I didn't say so out loud at the time, the reason for my hesitation was that... none of it was funny yet. The arguments, ridiculous as they were, were still too raw, too unresolved, to be the fodder for humor. It took over a year, honestly, for me to laugh at this stuff. So here's one of my favorites. I hope the tincture of time cured the anger but not the comedy; see for yourself.

Elle is about a month old, and it's somewhere between midnight and daybreak. She's asleep in her pack-and-play in our room. She stirs; since she's on my side of the bed, it's my duty to sit up and lean over to see if she's awake or not. Thankfully, no.

And remember, since the baby is asleep, all of this is in whispers.

Nick: Is she awake?
Me: No. But the wipes box is open.
Nick: It wasn't me.
Me: Yes, it was. You changed her last time while I was in the bathroom.
Nick: But didn't you use a wipe after she nursed?
Me: No, I used her burp cloth.
Nick: What does it even matter?
Me: Because the wipes get dried out.
Nick: No, they don't.
Me: You're lucky it's on my side of the bed so you don't have to be the one to stand up and close it.
Nick: Just leave it open then.
Me: No, because the wipes get dried out.
Nick: Hmph.
Me: Hmph.

I will say that we did have a sure-fire way to end any and all fights... at least one of us was pretty much guaranteed to fall asleep while it was still going. And that would be the end of that.