My inaugural session

So I've officially been a medicine attending for a week now. And can I just tell you, it's weird. Just so weird. And a lot of work. I mean, I sleep in my own bed now, but these are still some long days. And even though the faces are different, the problems and politics are just the same. No stories of hilarity quite yet. Mostly just lots of feeling incompetent because I don't remember as much as I'd hoped I would. And that's not fishing for compliments; it's the truth. Somewhere around 6 or8 months ago I went from being a better medicine resident than rheumatologist to the other way around. Now if it doesn't involve prednisone, I feel like a fish out of water.
Thankfully I've only had a handful of panicky moments when I really, truly have no idea what to do. Like this one. Last weekend on rounds a guy was still having fever despite our treatment, and I didn't know why. So we made a change. And the same thing happened the next day. So we made another change. And I laid awake that night in bed, wondering what on earth I would tell them to do the next day if he were still febrile because I literally couldn't think of any rational test to run or medication to add. I couldn't think of anything to bluff my way through it or even who to consult for help. I mean, his problem seemed so obvious, and the plan was appropriate. Why wasn't he responding? Who was the real attending, and when was he gonna show up and tell us what to do?
So I woke up the next morning and found the attending when I looked in the mirror. There is no rescue. The buck really does stop here. But you know what? I got to work, and that guy's fever was gone. Thank goodness. Eight days down, 23 to go.