Law and order

I flew with E & A by myself this last weekend. We went to Tucson to see Laurie (and my mom, who came in for the weekend, too) and then all road-tripped to Vegas to see my aunt and uncle at their new condo there (talk about an upgrade from Wichita - Kansas, not Texas). Can I just tell you, that whole idea was craaaaazy, but flying with 2 kids was actually not all that bad thanks to my crazy obsessive-compulsive hyper-organized type A personality. The diaper bag and toy bag were each strategically packed so I could reach in and know exactly what my hand would find in any given nook or cranny. And there were lots of rules. So many rules. Poor E. But it worked. And people took notice. Segue to this conversation at the end of my outbound flight.

Woman: [leaning across the aisle] Your baby is just darling. I've been sitting here wishing I could hold him. And they are both so well-behaved. And you're so good with them. I hope you plan to have lots more because you handle them really well.
Me: [guffawing and blushing]
Man*: Yeah, you really do.
Me: Thank you so much. And I might be crazy, but do you work at Vanderbilt medical center?
Man: Yes, I'm one of the {surgical subspecialty} faculty. Why?
Me: Well, not all that long ago, I was an internal medicine resident there.
Man: Oh, wow. I'm Dr. A. Sorry I didn't recognize you.
Me: I know, and it's ok. There are dozens of us every year but only a few of you.
Man: That's funny. Watching you with the kids, I told my wife you were probably either a surgeon [I like to think he really just means "doctor" in general but forgets there are doctors besides surgeons] or married to a military man.
Woman: Well, I wish we'd figured out that you knew each other two hours ago. I could have been holding that baby!

True story. The end.

*I've been staring at him out of the corner of my eye the entire flight because I really, really think I know him from somewhere. At this point in the conversation (upon hearing him speak), I'm certain I do.

Battle of the sexes: Subject to interpretation

Yesterday was kinda a rough day at the office. No one thing in particular was terrible, but there were lots of little things. And it was a long, long day. But then I came home, and Ellison ran up to me with a leg bear hug. And Archer went crazy in his littler exersaucer thingie, bouncing like a madman and baby-squealing at the top of his lungs. And I picked him up, and with a full-face baby grin, he started nuzzling into my neck like he was digging for gold. And my bad day wasn't quite so bad.

Me: I kinda wish that every once in a while you would get as excited about me coming home as Archer does.
N: You don't mean that.
Me: Oh yes, I surely do.

After all the kiddos were (finally) tucked in their beds, I stood in the kitchen prepping the next day's breakfast and lunch and on and on, oh my. And Nick walked up and stood creepily close on my right side.

And he started bouncing and full-face Joker smiling and making squealing noises that sounded how I imagine a dying hyena might sound. And then he started rubbing his face in my neck and pawing my shoulder and hair.

N: See, you don't want me to get excited like Archer.
Me: [no words. no breathing. just quiet, sustained, oxygen-depriving laughter]
N: See? I told you.
Me: Nooo! [more laughter, less breathing] I meant an adult version of what Archer does! Goober!
N: Nope, that is what you get.

At least it's cute when Archer does it.

Another one where my kid says something funny

Having been a single mom this weekend while Nick was away, nothing happened except keeping my kids alive. Therefore, all my funny (or not funny) stories relate to them.

1) My doubting Thomas
I accidentally washed a scrub top with a Hershey's miniature in the pocket. Oops. I then dried it. Double oops. I opened the drier this morning to find brown streaks and spots all over the clothes and the drier.

Me: Oh, no. Are you kidding me?!
E: Oh, someone poopee in dare?
Me: No, kid. It's chocolate. I put a piece of chocolate in the drier, and it got everywhere!
E: [looking skeptical] Dat poopee.

2) My little mommy
Ellison and I played with her toy picnic set this evening.

Me: Oh, Elle. That sure is a yummy pancake and cheese sandwich you made.
E: You want some, Mommy?
Me: Oh, yes.
E: [holds it up to my mouth] We no eat it, Mommy. Jus' petend.
Me: Oh, ok. Just pretend.
E: [jerks the plastic sandwich away from my mouth] Say peez [please], Mommy.
Me: Oh, right. Please.
E: OK, hee you go.

Board book Bible stories

I was reading to E last night from her little kiddie Bible. It's rather abridged; the New Testament includes Jesus' birth, healing the woman who touched his cape (no mention of bleeding of course), healing the blind guy with mud, and him taching the little children.

E: Jesus love you, Mommy. In your heart. [lifts her shirt to indicate her anatomical heart]
Me: So when we say that it just means He loves you deep inside. He isn't actually in there.
E: Yeah. And I talk to Jesus!
Me: Yes. You can talk to him whenever you want.
E: But I no want mud in my eyes.

True that, kid. Me neither.

Hump day update

I know you've missed the play by play of my life. So here's what's up today.

What's in my purse:
1) a Tide pen - always
2) Nars lip gloss in Priscilla
3) a 2T pull-up (Minnie Mouse!)
4) antibacterial hand gel
5) Jamberry catalog
6) Pepcid

What Amazon.com suggests for me today:
1) Back in the Day Bakery Cookbook*
2) ENJOY sulfate free shampoo**
3) Help, My Anger is Out of Control (book)
4) Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day***
5) Vizio Ultra-smart LED 70" TV (a cool $2498)

What's on my docket:
1) 1 patient - Nobody loves me, nobody cares. Nobody buys me peaches and pears. Nobody comes to my clinic either.
2) grocery store run - A tears through that formula. It's like he knows how much it costs.
3) getting my lift on (Mom, that means lifting weights)
4) making cinnamon rolls for Archer and Ellison's daycare teachers - because there's no such thing as too much flattery
5) shopping online - Check, already done. :)

*I saw Cheryl Day once on Paula Deen's show. How did Amazon know I'd like her? The internet is creepy sometimes. 
**I do admit I've been buying a lot of expensive hair products lately. But what's made the biggest difference? Training myself to only wash it every other day. Maybe I'll post about that someday.
***They really want me to buy that one. It's been on there for weeks now.

All good things

Since it's Archer's last week in daycare, I made cookies for his teachers after the kids went to bed last night.. Because that's the kind of gal I am. There were some leftovers, and we let Ellison have one before bed.

Me: Elle, did you finish your cookie?
E: Mm-hmm [mouth full of chocolately goodness]
Me: Was it a good cookie?
E: Yeah.
Me: Where do you think those cookies came from? Who made them?
E: [pauses thoughtfully] Gramzie?
Me: No, kiddo. Me! I made them.
E: [look of almost-disappointment] Ooooh.

Any why wouldn't she say that? That's where all the fun stuff in her life comes from.

An impartial judge

I ran today for the first time in a week or so, and it hurt. A lot. So I came home, huffing and puffing. Ellison was very excited for my return.

E: Mommy, you home!
Me: Yup. I went running.
E: Yeah.
Me: That was hard. Hey, sweet pea, did I do a good job running?\
E: silence
Me: Hey, Elle, tell Mommy I did a good job running today.
E: But I no see it.

I guess it's true that she couldn't really make an accurate assessment of my running as she was not a direct witness. I guess I'll just have to pat myself on the back.