Earlier this morning, in my closet...
Ugh. This skirt doesn't zip. Double ugh. The buttons on this shirt are about to burst. I'm so fat. No, Beth, not fat. Pregnant. Eh, who am I kidding? I'm pregnant fat. Which is better than regular fat but still means I can't wear that dress today. I feel like I shouldn't be this big yet. I mean, Gizmo is sticking out a LOT. Hope I don't have polyhydramnios [overproduction of amniotic fluid leading to inappropriate uterine enlargement]. Can you even get that this early? Guess I need to bite the bullet and go shopping for maternity clothes.
This afternoon, in the maternity section...
Salesgirl: Hi! Are you shopping for yourself? (Yes.) How far along are you? (Almost 17 weeks.) Oh, wow. You're so tiny. I would have guessed 6 or 8 weeks. Well, look around and let me know if you need anything.
Yeah, "tiny." I'm sure she's learned from experience to guess at least a month less than she thinks. Does she not see the giant Gizmo bulge down there? [sift through a couple racks] But what if she's actually good at guessing? And I do look tiny? That would be nice. But then, what if that means I'm TOO small? Should Gizmo be bigger than he is? Oh no, what if he's IUGR [intra-uterine growth restriction]?! Maybe I should be gaining more weight. Oh, I hope everything's ok on the ultrasound next week. Especially his little kidneys. I mean, what if it's oligohydramnios [inadequate amniotic fluid production]?! OK, Beth, just calm down. I'm sure everything is fine.
In the dressing room...
Ugh. I look so big. Who was I kidding? I'm not too small. It would definitely be too big if anything. Oh, I hope his little esophagus and lungs are ok! And on and on, but I'll spare you.
Being me is exhausting.
This post made me laugh and gasp all at the same time, because somehow I missed the memo that you are pregnant! Congrats!!
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