If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'

You can't make this stuff up.
I admitted a gentleman with a rectally-oriented problem. He believed the problem had resolved overnight, which he indicated via gesturing to his rectum on rounds. And by gesturing I mean touching.
Then I fell prey to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is, "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." Only slightly less well-known is this... When a man who has just touched his poopy-hole area offers you a handshake, never, ever accept. But I was living-dead tired and just straight up forgot until my hand was half-way to his. Then it was too late; I was committed. Shudder. My attending closed the conversation, and I bolted from the room with my arm extended high in the air.
"I'm contaminated!"
This drew the attention of several ER nurses and residents.
"He just touched his poopy-hole and then shook my hand."
A collective "Oooooohhh."
I found a sink and decontaminated myself. And life goes on.