Things that go beep in the night

My pager scares me when it goes off. And not just because it's loud. It's more that the beeeep beeeep beeeep immediately provokes anxiety over the million bad things said page could bring. Another admission. A crisis on the floor. An intern stuck in the elevator. A wrong number.
The only thing that scares me more than my pager going off is when it doesn't go off. Why, you ask? Let me tell ya. While on general medicine, I take over triaging admissions at 11pm. So a silent pager overnight just makes me wonder what's going on down there. (The ER is in the basement.) Are they calling the wrong person? Is my pager working? Did I accidentally silence it?
This paranoia takes me so far that I can't sleep with my back to the pager. I set it on the nightstand in the call room and then actually sleep facing it even though I am usually an avid start-on-the-right-end-up-on-the-left sleeper. I know it's irrational, that it's so loud you can probably hear it in your bed wherever you are all the way from Tennessee. But I just feel better with it in front of me. Sometimes to reconcile my anxiety with my desire to lay on the other side, I put it in the bed by my face. This just results in anxiety that I will knock it out of the bed or inadvertently shove it under the pillow (as if that could actually keep me from hearing it - you could hear this thing at a rock concert), so I put it back on the nightstand and start over. I'm just a hamster in a wheel with that thing.
Don't tell me to think of it like my alarm clock, which wakes me up no matter in what position I'm sleeping. You can't reason with paranoia. However, speaking of alarm clocks, I need to set mine and hit the sack. Hasta luegoa, amigos mios.